The "Meetcha" Trip, Days with Zephan

Days with Zephan-

First day:

I described some of what my first visit with Zephan was like in "The Meetcha Trip post 1". Here is more:

 
My first visit with Zephan was meeting him at the "center", after awhile, we were able to walk to a playground.

Zephan was excited to be at the playground, but hesitant to play. He was fearful of heights and movement. I lured Zephan to the slide by climbing up the contraption along with him. I could not prod him into doing the slide, so I decided that I would go down the slide. And the slide is pretty tight for an adult. Zephan thought I looked like I was having fun, and was willing to give it a try, only on my lap. I happily held him and together we slid (sort of) down the slide. Zephan was in glee! And I quickly learned the term for "do it again" So my little boy with his mommy began tying heart strings as we went down the slide over and over.

After that we walked back to the center.

At the center, there wasn't much to do, but Zephan is creative. He wanted me to sit on the floor, and we played with the one toy, a truck, we drew on the white board for a long time. Zephan draws many "potatoes", he says they are things like houses or animals, they all appear to be potatoes. 

At some point, out of my own boredom, while Zephan was sitting on the floor, I gently shoved him sliding across the floor. He gets such delight out of simple things. So I heard his words for "do it again" over and over and over. I started to slide him around by his feet all over and slinging him, in a way, sliding on the floor. That's when I heard those belly giggles that babies do when they are old enough to find something to be funny.

He began to get tired, and started to suck his thumb. My insides melted. I love thumb sucking.

And our day was over.

This ends the events of the day, but I've just got to explain about Zephan's foster grandmother. I saw right away how much she delighted in Zephan. Zephan talks "all big", with much expression. He is a little dude with tremendous emotion in his conversation. His eyes and eyebrows go right along with his words. When he talks, his "grandma" is just bursting with joy and fully interested in him. She loves him and kisses him and is absolutely eager for Zephan's next conversation. I saw her love for him. I asked my facilitator to please tell her that I know she loves him and thank you.

I was really pleased  that is foster parents are wonderfully loving and also that they are grandparent age. So Zephan is not confused by "another mother". He has grandparents who love him, and he knows he is missing a mother. He was ready for me. He is ready for his own place in a family as son and brother.

Second day:

The second day, we met at the mall and went to the play place there. The play place is where parents can drop their children off, pay by the hour, and go shopping without them. This was in the morning, and only every once in awhile would there be another child there, so we pretty much had the place to ourselves. 

Zephan was hesitant again, but I did everything with him, even climbing up into ball pit structure. We slid down into the balls. The slide is a double slide and I would have to hold Zephan securely, and go down together, but eventually he was more brave and went down the slide on his own. He would say the word for slide, but I never caught it.

When Zephan became tired, he lied down in the structure and began sucking his thumb. I rubbed him and he enjoyed that. I motioned to hold him and he gladly wanted held. Abbie caught every moment, and snapped photos of me holding Zephan while he sucked his thumb. I cried. I thought that I had missed all that sweet baby-like cuddling and bonding, long ago. Zephan is 5 1/2. But he has a deep need to be nurtured. He knows he needs a mother and he wants to be nurtured so desperately.

Once Zephan was done resting, he was up and moving again and we went to eat in the mall food court. He eats really well. He ate chicken and potatoes, and cream (which is pretty much pudding). On the walk to the food court, I carried Zephan. He continued to suck his thumb and also rubbed my hair, as if my hair was his "lovey". If he doesn't have my hair, he likes my ear. If I am not there, he rubs his own ear.

I can hardly wait to get this boy home and not have to end the cuddles.

On this second day of visiting, Abbie and I were invited to go in the car with our facilitator and the social worker to drive Zephan to his foster grandparents house. They were welcoming us over. I gladly went. Little Zephan fell asleep quickly during the ride.

The family was very enjoyable. We met everyone in the family. Even though we couldn't communicate well, it was an opportunity and an experience I treasure. They asked about our family. I asked some things about Zephan's routine. I learned that he goes to what we call preschool. They asked if I could keep updated with them,and I certainly will! As we were leaving, the foster grandfather said to me, "May God bless you as you increase your family with children." Those words meant a lot to me.

There isn't much to write about day three. It was much like day two, same play place, thumb sucking, and food.

Day four:

This was supposed to be Elliora's day, but she had a doctor appointment, so we had an extra morning with Zephan.

I had mixed feelings about his "extra" visit. Of course I enjoy time with Zephan, but it meant my time would be shortened with Elli.

We were just in the "center" in this last meeting. There wasn't much to do there, but we came up with things. We played with a stuffed dog I brought to give Zephan, for a long time. I made the dog "bark" and "retrieve".  Turns out Zephan absolutely endears dogs (he got the right mama). He played right along with this pretend dog stuff, we threw the "stick" for it and "washed" the dog... eventually Zephan became a dog and I threw a "stick" for him and "washed" him and fed him.

Later, I traced his foot (to sort of estimate what size shoes to get him for the gotcha trip). He thought this was fabulous! I traced his hand and he traced mine. I left a copy for him and one for me.

Leaving Zephan was emotional. When he was told that I would go, but come back, he cried, "But I want a mama!"

His foster grandma and I were emotional too. She said in English, "I love you." And I said "I love you" in her language.

Crystal